Ages 11-17
The Sex and Consent Conversations
It's not one talk. It's twenty short ones in the car.
One big formal conversation is excruciating for everyone and doesn't stick. Short, low-eye-contact exchanges over years do — and they keep the door open.
Little and often, sideways
Cars, walks and washing up are ideal because nobody has to make eye contact. Two minutes, then let it drop.
- Use something on TV or in the news as the opening.
- Answer the question asked, then stop talking.
- "I don't know, let me find out" is a perfectly good answer.
Consent, concretely
Abstract talk about respect doesn't transfer to a dark room at a party. Be specific about what consent actually looks like.
- Silence is not a yes; a pressured yes is not a yes.
- Drunk means no, both ways.
- Yes to one thing isn't yes to the next thing, and anyone can stop at any point.
- Their job is to check, out loud, every time.
Assume they've seen porn
Most kids encounter it well before you'd expect, often accidentally. What they need is a frame for it, not shame.
- Say plainly: it's performance, not instruction, and it's not what real people do.
- Nobody is in trouble for having seen it.
- Name the specific ways it misleads — bodies, pacing, aggression.
Nudes
This is where the serious legal and social damage happens, so be blunt and practical rather than moral.
- Sending or holding images of under-18s is a criminal matter, even between peers.
- If an image is out, come to me — I will help and I will not scream.
- Never pay or comply with a sextortion demand; block, screenshot and report.
What to say
Opening the door
You'll probably hear a lot of nonsense about this from friends. Anything you want to check, ask me — I won't make it weird.
On consent
The only version that counts is an enthusiastic yes, said out loud, by someone sober. Anything less, you stop.
The safety net
If something happens with a photo or a person and you're scared, text me and I'll come get you. No questions that night.
Where parents get burned
- Waiting for one big talk that never happens.
- Reacting with disgust, which ends all future questions.
- Only talking to daughters about risk and never to sons about consent.
When to loosen up: Every year or so, and any time their situation changes — a first relationship, a new school, a first party.
Your kid isn't the one in the playbook.
Tell Beacon what's actually happening in your house and it'll tell you which of these rules to hold and which one to drop.
ASK BEACONNext up
The First Relationship
Rules for dating that keep you in the loop instead of shut out — plus what an unhealthy relationship looks like.
Vaping and Weed
What to do when you find a vape, and how to talk about weed without losing credibility.
Alcohol and Parties
The questions to ask before they go out, and the pickup deal that keeps them safe.
Curfew and Going Out
How to set a curfew they'll keep, and how to handle the night they don't.