College
Our college freshman wants to come home
Our son is six weeks into his freshman year and calls almost every night saying he hates it and wants to come home. He hasn't joined anything, he's eating alone, and last night he cried on the phone. We've already paid the semester. I don't know whether I'm supposed to push him to stick it out or go get him.
Beacon's read
Week six is peak freshman misery—the novelty has worn off, midterms are starting, and he hasn't found his people yet. Calling you every night gives him a release valve, but it's also keeping him anchored to home instead of his campus.
Their side
He feels completely invisible and assumes everyone else made friends instantly. Walking into a dining hall alone at eighteen feels like running a gauntlet.
The blind spot
Letting him vent every single night might actually be keeping him stuck. It lets him feel like he's surviving the day just to report back to you, instead of forcing himself into the common room.
What I'd do
- 1Don't go get him, and don't let him quit mid-semester.
- 2Give him a clear goalpost: he commits through Thanksgiving, takes two specific steps to plug in, and then you'll sit down and look at real options together.
What to say
“I know how lonely it feels right now, but we're not pulling the plug six weeks in. You're staying through Thanksgiving. Between now and then, you have to go to one club meeting and get one person's number from class. If it's still miserable in November, we'll talk about what's next.”
If they push back
“I love you too much to let you quit on a hard week. Give it a real shot until Thanksgiving, and we'll figure out next semester together.”
The bigger lesson
The hardest part of college isn't the classes; it's building a life from scratch without familiar scaffolding. Learning to sit through a lonely month is how he builds real confidence.
Your turn
Change it to your family and ask.
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