Phones & social media
My 12-year-old says she's the only one without Snapchat
My 12-year-old says she's the only one in her grade without Snapchat and it's ruining her life. We said 13 was the rule. Now she's stopped talking to us at dinner and I'm wondering if the rule is worth what it's costing.
Beacon's read
Don't cave. If you move the boundary because she's freezing you out at dinner, you teach her that freezing you out works.
What may really be going on
She probably isn't the only one, but at twelve, missing the group threads feels like actual social death. She's sulking because she genuinely feels left behind, not just to manipulate you.
The blind spot
Giving in early won't buy you peace. It just shows her that making dinner miserable is the fastest way to get what she wants.
What I'd do
- 1Hold the line until thirteen, but acknowledge how much it stinks to feel left out.
- 2Make sure she can still text her friends normally so she isn't totally cut off.
What to say
“I know it feels like you're missing out on everything right now, and I get why you're mad at us. But thirteen is still the rule, and we're sticking to it until your birthday.”
If they push back
“You're allowed to be frustrated with me, but the date isn't changing.”
The bigger lesson
Sitting through your kid being mad at you is just the price of holding a good boundary. It passes.
Your turn
Change it to your family and ask.
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